Two things

late

Warning: End-of-year rant enclosed.

I’m not sure when the memo went out, but chronic tardiness and mispronunciation of words have apparently been almost completely forgiven and are now accepted as normal, everyday behavior. If it’s not too late, I’d like to correct the general public about these two things in particular that have become (part of) the bane of my existence during 2014.

Let’s start with people who are perpetually late. For 95 percent of the time-abiding citizens who generally arrive well within the appointed hour complete with a smile and moments to spare, there is that other 5 percent to whom I must direct my disapproving eye and subsequent lecture. This smaller percentage manages to inconvenience the lives of the vast majority by showing up as if they were handling a small plane for the very first time and had suddenly been forced to make an emergency landing.

Let me ask you something. Notice how I didn’t say “axe,” even though I sometimes want to take that tool and use it on those who insist on pronouncing it that way or those who show up late, especially when they are coming to meet me. If they are doing both, I may have to take up a hatchet. How difficult can it possibly be to start out just a few minutes sooner or wake up a little earlier so that everyone else doesn’t have to wait around for you and hear the poorly crafted story that comes with your excuse? While we’re here, let’s make it clear that one waits for someone and not on someone, unless they are a server at a restaurant. While this pet peeve of mine doesn’t exactly fall under the mispronunciation category, it’s worth noting because of its all-too-common usage, particularly in Florida.

While I’m ordering you around, I’d like to make clear once and for all that the correct pronunciation for bruschetta is BRUCE Ketta, not brooshetta. This Italian delight was not born in the USA but if you remember Springsteen, you will always pronounce it correctly and I won’t have to hit you over the head with a frying pan filled with KEEN WAH (spelled Quinoa).

To recap 2014, I will not wait for you any longer. If I worked at a diner, I would not wait on you ever. No questions axed.

Happy New Year.

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