Middle finger


Living up to the hype, this year’s Super Bowl was a real nail biter, something the whole family could enjoy – that is, until someone had to do something to shine in the spotlight.

You know, that proud moment when rapper M.I.A. saluted the American public by raising her middle finger and telling us just how she felt about doing it.

Although I’m no stranger to bad behavior, I have a 9-year-old who thinks “fart” is a funny word and likes to use it at the dinner table. There is a time and place for middle-finger use and halftime at the Super Bowl is just not one of them.

Just to keep us all in line, I thought I’d offer a guide of sorts, a middle-finger zinger … here we go.

  • The classic – out the driver’s side window, to legitimately cast your opinion on the driving “skills” of another individual. This can be further illustrated with yelling some form of constructive criticism as well.
  • As a warm gesture to a friend when they’ve zinged a verbal softball at you and you really can’t come up with a good comeback, the middle finger is a crude, yet effective way of showing your displeasure.
  • Bar band assault. Covering the music scene for years, it never fails; drunk guys decide somewhere after three beers that they don’t like the music the band is playing and lift their middle fingers to express this to the musicians. If the band is really bad, others will join in. After all, you can’t yell expletives over loud, terrible music.
  • Coward’s last word. Of course the best use of the finger is while there’s some distance between you and the person it’s intended for – it’s usually a double, using two middle fingers followed by a swift turn and getaway. This is especially useful if the other guy is bigger, or if the other woman is wearing heels (just check out any episode of “Real Housewives”).

And paying homage to Ms. M.I.A, I offer her my double salute. Maybe she will be “Missing In Action” from the public eye.

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