It’s official. I have too many friends that I have never met, don’t know and probably never will. This, of course, has nothing to do with my real, everyday life, where I know who my friends are: they are perfectly organized in my iPhone contacts list. If asked, I could probably correctly dial approximately 1% of the numbers that have been committed to memory. If you become my friend in this day and age, and never considered yourself to be anything other than special, let me disabuse you of this notion. Welcome to the other 99%.

It’s not that I’m so popular (okay, I really am) as much as I like to keep things under control. I know what my bandwidth is for bringing new people into my life. If you make it into my phone, I might stop everything to take your call. I’ll text you (without emoticons, thank you very much). I’ll even call you out of the blue to say, “hello” because I really want to hear your voice. I like having a real life with real people.

It’s that other place that’s the problem.

It started several months ago when I realized that Facebook had become, what’s the word I’m looking for? Oh yes, banal. I was checking in less and less because more and more people were spending way too much time sharing way too much information that is of no interest to me.

I don’t care that your grandfather would have been 113 years old today. I don’t want to know what song you are listening to on “Spotify” and are you crazy? DO NOT tell me that you have left for vacation while everything about your profile (including your address) is public information because you have not used any filters and have no boundaries.

I will not be interested in hearing about the robbery that took place.

Look, I don’t even really remember who you are or how you ended up as one of my “friends.” I’m not Mr. Rogers and Facebook is no longer providing a wonderful time in the virtual neighborhood.

I have Facebookphobia and I’m not afraid to use it.

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